“Garbage Moments” as the Secret to Joy

Two of our daughters like to wake up early like their dad, while Silvi drags her feet getting out of bed like me. I have to bribe her with our cat, Frankie, to start the day. My husband makes them all smoothies before leaving. Then all of us girls do breakfast, hair, outfits, feed the dog, play with the cat, singing or karaoke. It’s a very fun morning, but there are also sometimes tantrums or meltdowns before getting out of the house.

Maria’s parenting secret: plan ahead for busy days and big feelings

Since our mornings are semi-chaotic, I always start mine in bed, thinking through different possible scenarios and fire drills. If this is a busy day with homework and activities and strong feelings, I plan how to navigate that. I find that giving myself that run down better prepares me for any hiccups because no day ever runs perfectly, but that’s part of the fun, right?

At the end of the day, we ask the girls about the magical moments that happened. We’ll play rose and thorn, and another prompt we like is “acts of kindness.” It makes the girls more aware of their everyday actions because they want to share a nice deed they did that day as we’re hanging out in bed.

The beauty of embracing “garbage moments” (thanks, Jerry Seinfeld)

My biggest job is to keep the kids safe and help them find their own path to being good humans, but in reverse, they’re my biggest teachers. There’s a lot of self-reflection that comes with raising kids because you realize you’re actually looking in the mirror a lot of the time.

My favorite family memories are always the simplest moments. When I close my eyes, I usually think of being on the ground, rolling around with them—either on the snow in the winter or on grass in the summertime—or jumping on the trampoline. They’re what Jerry Seinfeld called “garbage moments.” They’re unplanned, unremarkable times that are actually magic because they embody the pure joy we experience being with our kids.

Maria Dueñas Jacobs is the founder of Super Smalls, a feel-good accessories brand that celebrates the sparkle in all of us. She lives with her husband Jordan Jacobs, a plastic surgeon, and three daughters—Luna (10), Silvi and Isa (8-year-old twins!)—in Manhattan. Their interview appeared in It’s More Fun with You: 36 Families on the Everyday Magic of Raising Kids, a limited-edition book by Charmspring