Rebecca Minkoff’s Tough Love Family Talk

Our mornings surprisingly aren’t mayhem, given we have kids between the teen and baby ages. Mostly we have to handle different breakfast and lunch orders, and my one rule is I always make coffee for myself before I touch any kid or food needs. [Laughs] While we’re cooking, the older kids play with the baby and make him laugh and tickle him. Leo has kind of united the family in a sweet way because everyone really loves him so much.

Why being direct with kids can work surprisingly well 

During the week we eat as a family and alternate cooking depending on which parent is in the mood. As long as the homework is done, they can watch TV. They love Young Sheldon and Kid Danger, and I hate those shows. I recently told them, “Look, you’re gonna blink and realize you spent your childhoods not with your parents but watching these dumb shows. Can we please hang out as a family?” They really liked that direct approach.

Generally our kids are really good when we’re angry. They say something that brings us to tears of laughter so we can’t stay mad. My daughter, Bowie, was swearing at the table and her dad went, “Hey! No potty talk at the table.” She immediately spit out, “Well, what about table talk at the potty?” The delivery was hilarious and totally diffused the situation.

Since moving to Florida, we’ve been surrounded by the beach and nature. Now we do family bike rides on the weekend in between the one million sports activities. There’s a 100-mile trail next to the next city or we’ll pedal down to the beach. We’ll swim together in the ocean or bounce on our trampoline (because we have a backyard now), not that all six of us are on it at the same time. [Laughs]

How telling kids “no” can be an act of love and character building

I say “no” to the kids a lot, especially when it comes to things they want. “How are you going to earn it?” is my response when they ask for something. I hated being asked that as a kid and resented it, but that’s ultimately what made me so hardworking. At the same time, I want them to enjoy being kids because what feels serious and important now is nothing compared to once you’re in the working world so it’s a balance we try to find with them as parents.

Before Luca was born, my sister told me that once you have kids your heart is outside of your body. I didn’t understand it at the time, but she was right. Kids bring out the capacity for you to love in a way you never could have imagined. It’s a feeling so intense I call it the fourth dimension of love. That totally catches me off guard as a parent, along with how tired but happy you can be.

Rebecca Minkoff is the Founder and Chief Creative Officer of Rebecca Minkoff. She appears in the Real Housewives of New York Season 15. Gavin Bellour is a commercial director. They live with their four children—Luca (13), Bowie (10), Nico (6), and Leo (22 months)—in Florida. Their interview appeared in It’s More Fun with You: 36 Families on the Everyday Magic of Raising Kids, a limited-edition book by Charmspring.