Parents Should All Embrace the Messy House

Our kids love structure. At night, we sit down for family dinner and talk about our memorable part of the day. Jack gets a bath then Frankie practices piano because I am becoming the tiger mom I said I wouldn’t. [Laughs] Jack needs us to read at least five books in bed and likes to choose all of them. Frankie reads at least two books, gets a made-up story told by Mom and Dad, and finally goes to bed.

It sounds boring, but it’s a really important time of day. In the hours right before bedtime, our lives are more intimate. Jack doesn’t speak in full sentences yet, but he understands what I’m saying. He’ll say “ai ni”—short for “wo ai ni” or “I love you” in Mandarin—which is his cue for bed. Frankie asks tough questions about the meaning of life like what happens when you die. Pillow talk is when I feel most connected with them.

Striking a balance: regular routines and unstructured play

Jack wakes up earlier than Frankie so sometimes he’ll wake her up. They’ll play together, and she dresses herself. Luther takes them on an electric bike to school, where they both sit on the back. One tradition we’ve had ever since Frankie was a baby is we’ll tell Alexa to play a “Peaceful Piano” playlist on Spotify. Once, I couldn’t find Frankie, and she had already gone downstairs and asked Alexa to put on the music. It shows how important routine things are for kids as they start having agency over themselves and their days.

We recently went to Hawai‘i, and there was something special about watching the kids play in the sand and ocean together. Being in nature with the kids is always a highlight for us. When we visited West Virginia, where I grew up, there’s nothing to do but muck around in the mud and go fishing. As someone who grew up in the sticks, I think it’s healthy for kids to play in puddles and mud and feel what the earth feels like.

Why kids are old souls in young bodies

As a parent, I didn’t realize how wise kids can be. Oftentimes they will teach me something about patience or empathy. Frankie and I will have conversations where I’ll forget I’m her mom and instead I feel like I’m hanging out with this cool, sweet, kind person who happens to be five. We don’t give kids enough credit for the people they become from a very early age.

Embrace the gift of a messy house sooner rather than later

On TikTok, I recently saw a video of a mom showing the mess in her house. There were toys, princess dresses, and coloring books scattered everywhere. Her message was that one day your house will be impeccable, there won’t be a sign of a toy, and you’re going to miss this. That stayed with me because when I get frustrated that the house looks like a tornado, I remember these years are short and precious and that I’m lucky to experience the messy part of parenthood too.

 

Weijia Jiang is a White House correspondent for CBS News and Luther Lowe is Head of Policy at Y Combinator. They live with their two children, Frankie (5) and Jack (2), in Washington, D.C. Their interview appeared in It’s More Fun with You: 36 Families on the Everyday Magic of Raising Kids, a limited-edition book by Charmspring.